As a child, the stereotype I had of church involved a bunch of old people
congregating together and singing boring hymns with a minister wearing
strange robes. I grew up in an Anglican church and hated it!!!
I would use every excuse known to man to try and get out of it, but my Mum being the strong women she was made me go.
My Dad was not a Christian and it really annoyed me that he didn't have to go.
In
grade 11 I started working at the local supermarket and my bosses
daughter in law was the first person who really showed me the love of
God.
She started doing a bible study with me and took me to a church
who had people my own age and I look back and realise what a blessing
she was.
After her second child she couldn't do bible study any more, which I completely understood.
Beginning of year 12 I had big dreams to become a Doctor.
However this was the year where I walked away from God and started partying.
(In
Australia, Queensland at the end of Year 12 the Gold Coast and Sunshine coast puts
on a party called "schoolies".)
I knew I should not of went, the voice in
my head told me not go.
I went up to the sunshine coast instead with my
best friend at the time and her boyfriend.
Our first day there my spirit felt sick.. I knew something bad would happen I had no idea what.
That
night my drink ended up being spiked and I was assaulted by my best
friends boyfriend.
I have never felt so dirty or disgusting that I
remember being in the hotel room, lights out, over looking the ocean
that I just cried my heart out, I felt so impure and so lonely.
I
received a text message at 2:30 in the morning from a very old friend
who had no idea what happened and it said this, 'Emma, Jesus wants you
to know that he loves you and is with you right now'.
As soon as I received this text my spirit was humbled but I was angry at God.
Why did he let this happen etc...
The next morning I packed my bags and left. Arriving home early was hard, I was too ashamed to tell my family what happened.
So I kept it to myself and fear and anxiety crept in that I couldn't even go down to my local Woolworths.
Not
knowing what I should do after school I forgot about my dreams of
becoming a doctor and was accepted into Mining engineering.
The only
reason why I applied was to earn the big bucks and move out of
Australia.
However I was so damaged inside that I spent the whole year drunk at the uni bar.
It
was all about living for myself, chasing the wrong kind of guys etc...
This was the time my mum sat me down and said I need to sort my life
out.
She was right, so I changed university degrees and decided I would study biomedical science and I loved it!!
However I met a guy who swept me of my feet and we started dating.
My
mum and sister were really angry with me as he wasn't a Christian and
deep down I always wanted to marry a man who loved God, but with what I
had been through I honestly believed that no Godly man would ever want
me, so I went for second best.
I started going to church and I
invited him along, to cut a long story short, he came to know God was
baptised and we started a youth group together along with a friend.
We
discussed marriage and he told me that he wouldn't be able to support me
if I was still studying biomedical science (to become a doctor) so he
told me to change to a shorter degree.
So I switched to teaching at a
Christian university. However he had a deadly addiction which I couldn't
cope with and I became a control freak.
We just fell out of love,
he bought his new car and had no time for me any more, having to work
with him as a youth leader was tough.
Then God spoke through a
wonderful lady at church, telling me that I am aiming for second best in
every area of my life and asked me why.. She told me that God wants me
to have the best. So I left that the church.
God blessed me as
soon as I left and I scored an awesome casual job at a Christian book store and God has healed me in every area of my life.
I have learnt so much about God that I never want to go back to my old life.
I have met awesome Christian friends who are so encouraging and I'm so blessed.
I know that I'm forgiven and one big thing that set me free was forgiving those who hurt me.
* Names have been changed on request.
