A child of God
My testimony is this: When I was about 16 years old I was working at a food store and I was gathering shopping carts in the parking lot and my former bus driver came and spoke to me and he said that he wanted to perform a sexual act on me.
I was on a break then and I went to him and said "sure why not". I hadn't had any relations before that other than making out with girls.
After the experiment with that guy, I felt something that I hadn't felt before that night. Then came porn for me. I continued to do that for a really long time. I did it downstairs in the basement when it was really late at night when everybody was sleeping.
When I was young, I was afraid of my dad sometimes because of his temper and he would yell for no reason. One day in the basement I did something that I supposed not to do and he pick me up against the wall, I was so afraid I didn't know what to think.
I felt like "why does he get so upset at us?" I have three older brothers and they were afraid of him also, but at the years went by I was not afraid of him any more.
I said to myself " I will not put up with this crap any more". I love my dad very much but when he would lose his cool I would go and disappear.
I guess maybe that is why I wanted to find a man that will treat me with respect and love that I deserve and will not yell at me.
(When I was 14 years old, I had a girlfriend and it was my first time really like someone a lot.
She broke up with me and it really destroyed me. I said to my myself " If girls don't like me, maybe guys will" I guess at that point, that is where the ball was starting to roll and it kept on rolling.)
I didn't know who Jesus was at that time until I was 20 and half years old. I didn't know that sleeping with men was wrong.
When I became a Christian at that age, I accept Jesus into my life. After that I still slept with guys but something inside me told me that this was not natural and it was very wrong to do.
I knew that I was struggling with being a homosexual and I didn't know what to do.
I did have some thoughts of suidcide because of what I was going through and was depressed because I was so ashamed of myself. I thought God will never forgive me.
I went to a healing church called Spirit Life Worship Church and they said they can deliver me from this.
So they laid hands on me and prayed. They prayed in tongues and I didn't understand what they were saying.
I felt free but after a while the struggle came back to me ten times worse. I said to myself "I am going to live this lifestyle and told God that I didn't want him to be apart of my life".
So for three years I lived life as a homosexual. I went to bars every Friday and on the weekends to find someone that will love me.
Then in July of 2009 I found "Andy" and we decide to be in a relationship. I asked him to marry me on Christmas day.
Then in January I went to the doctors and had a blood test. I found out that I had syphilis and thought my life was over. After I found out, I rededicated my life to the Lord.
It wasn't until in August that something told me to message my pastor from Illinois. He was a big help and I love that he never judged me but he loved me. He told me that homosexuality is a sin.
I then decide to let The Holy Spirit to examining my heart. The Holy Spirit showed me how homosexuality was a sin and I was amazed at what I was seeing and hearing. I then decided that I have to let Andy go.
A while ago, I was on the computer and I saw a video of two gay men. I paused the video and what I saw next really scare me to death.
Right in the middle of those two guys, I saw a demon or a homosexual demon.
The image of that demon also had a upside down cross and was flicking God off with both fingers pointing in the air. This image was a very scary image for me to look at.
So I decided to play that whole video and when I did, I didn't see the demon at all. It seem like the video captured it only when I paused it.
It seems like that is how Satan works, he appears and reappears. The Holy Spirit wanted me to see that image, to show me how homosexuality is a sin. That is when I knew that Satan can easy screw up people's brains and make them think that what is bad is good. I now know the truth.
The Holy Spirit really showed me and continues to show me how homosexuality is a sin.
I now know what real love is and it is a great feeling to have!
I was looking for that love for a really long time. I know my parents and family love me and they show me love to me, but still in the inside I felt alone because what I was struggling with.
Now I have people that are helping me so I can break free from this lifestyle that was planted in my life.
It was the Holy Spirit that show me and love me no matter what.
I am sharing this to you and to people that wanted to know how I was tricked that this lifestyle was ok.
I read books on how you can become a gay Christian. I thought those books would help but they didn't. I was looking for answers other than the bible.
I was even choosing different bibles and try to find scriptures that didn't say that homosexuality was a sin, but I couldn't find any scriptures that will say it was ok, not even ONE.
I had to let the Holy Spirit examine my heart and when it did I was amazed. Now I know that I was trick and now I know that homosexuality is a sin in the Lord's eyes.
So that is my testimony. I hope that my story will help others to know that TRUTH about homosexuality.
If it wasn't for the Holy Spirit, I will probably still be in that lifestyle.
God bless everyone! Let the spirit move us in a direction that will follow God and do the best we can to stay on His righteous path.
