I was
born and raised on a farm. Although it may sound impossible, I grew up without
any knowledge of church, GOD, or JESUS.
As far as
I knew, church was where you went to get married and the only time I heard of GOD
or JESUS was in swearing.
Growing
up my Dad would every now and again let me have a sip of beer.
I started
serious drinking at the age of thirteen as a way to "fit in"
but quickly turned to a way of escape.
During my
high school years I was always anticipating the next party, so I could drink.
After
that, I wanted the party to continue... so I joined the military. I signed up
for the Navy.
The day I
left, was the first time I had ever been in an airport!
While
there a man in a suit offered me a little
red book, I was a little bewildered but I took it and was on my way.
Throughout
my time in the navy, I would sometimes try to read it but it never made any
sense to me.
My
drinking took over and I spun out of control. One night, I was in a car
accident and hospitalised.
The next
day I was still over the legal limit. A doctor informed me that I should have
been dead.
They
could only estimate, but said my alcohol level the day before had to have been
high enough to kill.
After a
week in the hospital, I was released and sent to an Alcoholics Anonymous
program. I didn't want to quit drinking though.
One thing
did affect me in the meetings and that was the serenity prayer. The prayer
itself did nothing for me but I did open that little red book more often.
Being in
the navy means extended time spent on the ocean and away from alcohol.
That was
hard, so I had to find something to replace it.
Being
limited what you can do on a ship, I took up running. When I ran, the need for
the alcohol disappeared until the ship entered a port then I would drink like
crazy.
After my
time in the navy was finished, I moved back home. I really had no direction in
life but one day I received a fantastic job offer.
So I
accepted the job and moved. I poured myself into the job that I absolutely
loved.
I cut
back on the drinking and only got drunk probably three or four times a week.
I ran
more and more to stay away from the drink and even got good enough to run in
races. I won many awards and even trained and ran a marathon.
Seemed like my life was coming
together!
I started
having problems while running and the doctor said I had a heart condition. My
days of competing were over and my running stopped.
I put all
my time into my job. Besides alcohol, it was the only thing I cared about.
Not long
after, I went to work and was told the company was making cutbacks. Along with
many others, I lost my job. I was devastated.
I moved
back home, bummed around, and drank heavily.
One night
while out, I met a woman. We quickly fell in love and were soon married.
She had
two young girls from a previous marriage and I set my mind to being a good
family man and raising those girls.
Michelle
attended church and tried many many times to get me to go with her, but I
wanted no part of it!
My family
was my whole life and drinking filled what was left.
Every
Sunday morning, I stayed in bed while she and the kids and went to church.
It seemed
like we had a happy life but... something was still wrong.
It seemed
Michelle was happy, but my happiness had faded away. I didn't know why
and it made me angry.
I became
depressed and blamed everyone else for my unhappiness.
One night
things came to a head. Michelle said we could not continue the way we were.
She said
the reason I was so upset was that... I was going to hell!
My world
was falling apart yet again. I'd had enough and decided I would end my life.
That
night, I didn't sleep much as I planned my suicide.
The next
morning I went to see my parents for the last time. They had no idea and I
don't even know why I went.
After
that short visit, I headed home to end my life.
I was
about five minutes from home when it happened... I can't explain it to this
day, but it was a soft voice that touched me.
It said
"what are you doing?".
That was
followed by "Here I am, it's going to be ok".
I
immediately asked JESUS for forgiveness and for the first time in my
whole life an unimaginable peace came over me.
I was
baptised a few weeks later!
Even
though I didn't realise it at the time, those times of reading that little red
book had saved my life.
It had
pointed me to the answer even before I had the question.
I started
to read that book more and it actually started to make sense to me!
That is
how I was saved from suicide.
I often
wonder, what if GOD had not sent that Gideon with that red book to the
airport at that time? What if a wonderful woman hadn't loved me enough to tell
me I was headed to hell? What if Jesus hadn't cared enough to die for me
and stopped me from killing myself?
You see
without that church supplying the money to buy that book, without that man
stopping to give me the Bible, without a woman showing me the power of that
book, and without Jesus intervening, I would be dead and in hell!
But,
thanks to the grace of God, I have been recycled for Christ.
Now God
uses this former drunk to preach the message of salvation and consecration.
If you
feel that you are at the end of your rope and have no reason to live, you can
still push the RESET BUTTON on your life.
Thanks to God's grace, through Jesus, you can start again!
* Names have been changed on request.
